A painful flashback

It's somehow odd to hear this, when it sounds both familiar and far removed. I've had conversations with someone who was in a familiar positions about courses of action, what to do, "what's he thinking now?", "does he think of me?" and "if so, what does he think of me?", and so on and so forth. And it's tough. Because you want them to be proud of themselves for themselves - not in order to prove something to someone else. Especially when the proving isn't necessary in the first place. And because they have so much to be proud of. And because the telling of the proof affirms and confirms to the villain of the piece their importance in the narrative of the other person's life.
But it - the confronting, the honouring of their truth and moreover the affirmation of survival and success - is still, at the end of the day, still important to the former victim and current survivor. So. What to do? What to suggest?